How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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