I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Buhtt sex?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
