Don't make out with my wife yet
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
