Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
