eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
