I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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