The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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