Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
