I smell stomach acid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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