guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
