He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
