I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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