It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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