we made out on top of his cat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
