she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
