It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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