He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
