please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
