Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
