Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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