i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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