my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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