there's paper in my vomit.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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