I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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