i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
