I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How external is "for external use only"?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
