I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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