okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
