I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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