i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
