maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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