Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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