so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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