I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
