it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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