also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
