the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
