OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
vagina is talking i cant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
