It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
false alarm, still single
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
