hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
