im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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