My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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