I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
