I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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