I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
