rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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