Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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