someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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