Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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