One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
